shenanigans.

a compilation of complete ruckus.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The New Diet

i've never even tried to attempt a diet before two weeks ago when i pledged loyalty to the sugar free diet. that went down the drain five days later. but let us not forget those five days. they were hell.

next i tried the eat healthy, salads, no fast food, wheat bread, etcetera, and working out three days a week. this went down the drain when tostidos cheese dip went on sale two for $5.00.

i then went to, when i can choose between healthy and unhealthy i'll try my best. such as if they ask if i want fries with my triple cheeseburger, i'll come up with the courage to say no. also, this involved working out three times a week.

where i am now: back on fast food, overloading on candy and cakes, but still, working out three times a week. what i've learned through this experience: candy is one of the only great things in life, i didn't know i liked fried burritos so much, and i have absolutely NO will power.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Hilary Potter

I was supposed to go see a spin off play of Harry Potter the other week and it was actually called "Hilary Potter". How rad is that. now to the REAL news.

HARRY POTTER IV COMES OUT AT MIDNIGHT!!! Washoowewee!!

yes, this is very exciting. I need ideas. i want to go all out this time. be one of "them". those people that live for midnight showings and dressing up completely. oh wait, i forgot that i already am. anyway, i need help on an all out costume. here are the choices thus far:

1= ronald weasely. i was thinking of giving myself a mullet and dying it florecent orange for the occassion. i've been working out for months also, in order to take on an uncanny resemblence. so now that i'm at the annorexic looking stage i think i can pull this one off. yeah, ha.
2= dumbledore. i was thinking i'll just keel over in line for this one. that's an easy out.
3= mrs. trelawny. i can't remember how to spell it. i'll just rat my hair and get some crazy googly glasses. i've already made out a script full of predictions of death and horrible things to happen in the future. then i'll start screaming prophecies about the people i'm going to the movie with. the most important thing is to stay in character.
4= hagrid. no, impossible.
5= snape. i really wish i could pull it off. pointed nose, evil eye, face that looks like it's melting off.

well let me know if you have any ideas. this is an important decision. my harry potter fanhood depends on it!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Parkway Hangout

I live in this apartment complex in orem that is jam packed four times its capacity with college students. The whole building is a soap opera in itself. Lately i've been so tempted to call mtv and suggest a reality tv show at the apartments. i can see it now, The Real World: Orem, Utah. I guarantee they would find much more of a scandal then they would assume. It's like a Disney Movie gone rebellious down here. What once was good has now gone CRAZY.

Anyway, i go work out three times a week at the fitness center in our building. i feel so out of place because as a gillette, our work out look consists of no make up, hairy legs and kristin's old basketball shorts from middle school, and a messy ponytail. i walked in the first day expecting the same look from everyone else, but was astonished to find how utterly beautiful everyone looked.

The boys were all on the weight machines and looked as if before they had come they had applied some sort of oil to their skin. Their muscles were huge, and they all seemed to move in some choreographed fashion. then on the tredmills and cycles are the girls that look prettier than they do at prom. They look as if they had their hair and make up done before hand and all have matching outfits that correspond with their expensive polished tennis shoes. they too ran at a perfect pace, extremely gracefully.

i stared at them confused, i had no idea i was supposed to dress up. it was as if once they were done working out they were going to step outside and find tyra banks crowning them the next top model. i stepped on a tredmill and ran my awkward way, as gennie describes like phoebe on friends, ran out of breath in five minutes and left with sweat dripping down my back.

i'm scared to go back. i dont know how to dress or how to run. i actually think i'm going to practice at home first before i go to that level again.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The Seventh Wife.

I am supposedly the seventh wife. I've always been opposed to polygamism but as of now i think i'm falling for it. oh wait, no i'm not. that's sick!!!

i was in my first day of English 1010 playing the get to know you game, and the guy in the corner stood up. He was rather tall and skinny, dark brown hair swooped to the side, and a flannel plaid button up shirt tucked into flooded jeans. i listened unattentively as he trailed on about where he was from with my head on the desk watching the clock. somewhere in my daydreaming i heard him say, "I'm jerry, I have six wives, and twenty seven children." i looked over immediately with a look of "wha???" on my face. yet he looked around the classroom as if what he had just said wasn't shocking in the slightest.

i've watched him throughout the class wondering who he is and why he is so comfortable with stating he is illegally married to six women.

The other day i was packing up my things and when i went to stand up, looked and found him towering over my desk. i said an awkward hello, and he said in a gentle, almost whisper, "Hi Hilary, i know you've seen me in class, and i just wanted to tell you I've been watching you in class and you seem really intelligent. i read your research paper, and i just feel like we have a lot to learn from each other. i was wondering if we could take some time after class to talk and maybe discuss a little of our ideas." He stared deep into my eyes, i felt like he could see my inner soul or something. i was suddenly engorged by a feeling of utter creepiness, and looked up at the clock while saying that i actually had to run and catch the bus cause i had somewhere i had to be.

praise heaven for that, otherwise i believe i would have no bangs and my hair wrapped in perma-braids while holding five children in each arm. that was a lucky getaway.

as my mom says, provo is NOT what it is talked up to be. so far a black guy has inappropriately grabbed...me, i've hit on my cousin, and now been asked out for a study session with a polygamist. this is no longer youthful innocence.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Victoria's Secret

Clearly most of my blogs are just replies to the Greedy Kristian, but one must say she is highly interesting. She, being my older sister, sat me down and gave me a one on one chat about the importance in investing some money into a victoria's secret bra. i shunned the idea and sported my walmart bras proudly.

I was at work today talking to some of the girls (and guy, sorry Steve) about these supposedly spectacular bras, and i debated my side of the spectrum. i tried to scold them out of the idea of spending FORTY dollars on a single bra. with my walmart deals of 2/$7.00, i could get at least five for the same price.

My boss grabbed my hand immediately and said, "no more of this, we are taking you to get one RIGHT NOW." we sped to Victoria's Secret, exclaimed to the salesperson that this was a bra EMERGENCY, and she stalked me up with a large supply of choices. i tried one after the other with out any sparks, until viola! i found my perfect match.

i can now agree, and admit proudly that i am a member of the victoria secret exclusive club. I'm beginning to think my boss and the greedy kristian are quite alike. both peer pressured me into the no candy diet and the victoria secret bra. where has this army come from?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Dear Greedy Kristian,

i must apologize for my attack on you sunday evening. first of all, i still completely agree with the idea that if someone were to quit eating candy cold turkey, they would virtually lose their entire personality.

which is why i am no longer the fun, interesting, enthusiastic person i once was. i am now an utter bore.

my boss and several of my co-workers decided to go on the new oprah diet which consists of completely cutting off all sugar-supply, and doing three half-hour sessions of cario work out a week. i have jumped aboard the ship.

looking back on the last eighteen hours and thirty five minutes without candy, i'm beginning to believe this lack of candy has been the biggest transition i've ever tried to make. seeing as every meal i used to have was 3/4 dessert, as of now i have already lost three pounds. how sad. well kristin, i'm a hippocrite, i know. but i can only plead for your help in this difficult time in my life, and hope in some way we can help each other through this. tuche.

sincerely,

shenanigan.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Hungilary

MEYARRG!!!

As you have probably noticed, i only blog when i am upset. Here i am once again, ripping out my hair and venting about it to you poor bloggers.

i truly need help. i spent five hours straight studying last night for my accounting final. i was exhausted an hour in, but was re-encouraged after reminding myself that i was finally going to get better than the usual 70, or if i'm lucky-71, percent. i had it totally down. i fell asleep at about one, and only moments later heard my alarm blaring at five thirty. i was off to the six o'clock test review and left feeling completely satisfied with my knowledge in journalizing bonds and analyzing assets and liabilities.

i got to the test center at approximately nine a.m., ready for my first A++. i sat down and was completely focused until about 9:15 a.m., when my stomach started to grumble. i realized i hadn't eaten since six o'clock last night, which is resonable, but i couldn't focus any longer. i remembered that i had a new jar of tostidos cheese dip in my cupboard that even this early in the morning sounded heavenly.

my mouth was beginning to get very dry, and my stomach growling louder and louder in the silent testing room. at 9:30 i found myself scribbling any answer i could think of down. not soon after i had all my things packed and left the testing center. i handed my doodle of a test to the teacher and only a minute later he handed my my results.

70.

it's a curse i'm sure. all of my friends mention the fact over and over that i am obsessed with food. either i'm eating it, making it, dreaming about it, going to school for it, or working with it. it encompasses my life.

MEYARRG!!

Friday, November 04, 2005

Grandamn breakdown

revv. revv. revv. revvvvvvv. REV! grandamnit!!! ARG! GO! GO! holy piss! just GO!

this was me earlier today in the left turning lane at my apartments. i begged my car to go for five minutes while waving cars behind me on, but eventually found three angry guys my age pushing my car to the side of the road. i got out an waved an embarassed thank you, and turned back to my lifeless car. i kicked the bumper hoping it would feel how mad i was an start up out of fear. it stubbornly sat there as i freaked out.

i was late for work and didn't know what to do. i ran to the gas station, after calling my stepmom debbie for any ideas, and batted my eyes at the guy at the counter. he let me borrow his gas can, and i ran back to see if this could somehow be the answer. i rolled up my sleeves, pulled up my pants, and hocked a lugie to make sure no one else tried to help. this was a sheer sign of indepedence.

luckily after i poured some gas into the tank it started up again. i headed off in front of my audience of uvsc peers, and stalled. twice. a guy in a white pick up truck passed and winked as if saying to me "ha. with this freshly waxed baby i don't have to deal with those problems." i sneered back and headed off to work.

so i've survived the first grandamn break down. although later on it wouldn't shift at a red light, so i'm beginning to believe this is going to become quite common.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Hallow's Eve

Yes, i am eighteen years old. i don't think that is ever really going to hit me.

i went trick or treating monday night with my friend dani. we had been pondering the idea of going as the toy soldiers from toy story, but after calling my sister Kristin and gaining the idea of being Blue Man Group, we changed our minds. we ran to the mall and got some skull caps and blue face paint, and came back to dani's house to apply our new identities. after plastering my hair back with hair spray and gel and shoving it into the skull cap and covering every inch of my face, including eyebrows and inside my ears, with blue, i looked in the mirror completely astonished. i had no idea that my head was shaped just like a man's. i don't know whether this is bragging or venting because i'm worried about the fact that i looked exactly like them. i've got pictures i'll post later, but we went out and tricked and treated like crazy. the best part: everyone invited us in for many more treats because it was quote unquote the bst costume they had ever seen. major props kricken. that was AWESOME!!!