shenanigans.

a compilation of complete ruckus.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

4:23

i got on my blog this morning having no idea that i would be this excited. i just saw my counter and discovered that i am so close to 423. a.k.a. MY BIRTHDAY. i'm almost tempted to tell people to come until it reaches that number, and then no more visits. okay?

although of course i'd still like people to keep coming, so maybe i'll do some major prize for the 423rd visitor such as a one on one birthday party with me. that would be fun wouldn't it? pin the tail on the donkey...pinata...okay, nevermind. no prizes.

i need to get ready for school. i've become so lazy, because lately i live my life for "a cinderella story". i saw it in theaters and absolutely hated it, but i decided to give it another chance the other day. at the movie's end i was covered in tissues and goosebumps thinking "this is...the best movie..i have EVER seen," like spiritually. now i live to watch it. i keep trying to make time to watch it again and can't seem to fit it in. i think it is a higher power trying to save my reputation.

i guess i really will go get ready.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Just Another Manic Monday

Ooo wee ooo.

It's only 8:49 a.m. and today already sucks.

1- i woke up at 6:30, with a terrible soar throat as a result of the horrific sinus infection/ear infection i've had the past week slash eternity. i got ready, my hair looks like my dog suzy's just after a nap, and got on the bus. i got yelled at by my home teacher for sluffing church yesterday(another result from the infections), and ran off the bus to avoid any other human contact. i finally reached my class five minutes late, which didn't seem to matter after reading the sign that explained the fact that class would not be held today.

2- i have class at ten so this means two hours of wasting time in the library. hence the blog.

3- the kid on the computer next to me is singing "reading rainbow" and asking every possible question about how computers work. he's got a mexi-stache and cross-eyed, so this should explain. (don't worry, he's off the computer as of now, although i doubt he could read this anyway with the crooked eyes.)

4- wow...yes i'm clearly in a bad mood.

5- we have apartment cleaning checks today. my job was to clean the oven, according to my roommates it had to be "sparkling clean" in order to pass inspection. i spent a total of four hours using steel wool to get off all the gunk, after which i called my mom who explained that using oven cleaner would have reduced the cleaning time to thirty minutes. i also hear the cleaning people don't even look in the oven. i'm ready to murder.

that's about it, although i do work eight hours today which should also be fun. hopefully you guys don't see me on the five o'clock news strangling a passer-by. good luck with your mondays.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Dear Diary

i am a religious journal writer. i've done it daily since i was eight years old, and some how it's become quite the addiction. if you've never given it a try, i sincerly believe you should.

i was reading some old entries yesterday and found one that was pretty entertaining. it was in my eleventh grade english class, and i had to answer the question "who is the most important person in the world to you?" i find it hard to believe i actually wrote a full five pages about the fact that it was jerry seinfield. sorry to my friends and family, according to this entry, a good sense of humor comes before all the diapers you changed and daily rides to work across town.

hold on, i need to take a moment to recoup...the kid sitting at the computer next to me is typing so fast. he's got like tiger-like reflexes man.

well i can't much pay attention now, so i guess you'll all have to wait for more stories tomorrow, or until this super-hero typing man gets a move on. once again, my apologies for the seinfield thing, although i'm sure you guys would have to agree. who else can make the fact that airplanes have places for used razors so hilarious? i rest my case.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Hilary Holdup

My dad came down tuesday night to show me the ropes of the grandamn. it's a stick shift which means i had a lot to learn. he came down at 6:30, and i had a date at 8:00. turns out in the end i stood the guy up....same as last week. last tuesday i REALLY didn't want to go out with him, so i used the "my roommate is sick" story...stupid me, i felt so bad i called later in the week to "make it up to him", and i actually ended up calling and cancelling again. i'm a horrible date, i must say. hence why i'm calling it quits on those. anyway...

my dad had about an hour to show me the jist of stick shift, and then left me here to...fend for myself, i guess. so wednesday afternoon came, and i had to drive the car to work. i walked out to the parking lot and stared at the car as if i were just about to tackle an untameable lion. i hopped in and started off, doing better than i thought. i was going rather slow, which resulted in an extremely long line of cars building up behind me.

i reached a red light, me of course at the front of this mile long row of cars. i got stage freight, so when the light turned green, i went to go, and completely stalled. i started the car up again, working frantically to get up and going before any of the people behind me could catch up and beat the s#*! out of me. the gears screeched and screamed, and i panicked. i looked in the rear view mirror only to see a guy my age exceedingly angry, and looked out the side mirrors to see many middle fingers held out each window of the other cars. minutes passed as i continually tried to get started up again, until the light turned back to red.

luckily the next round of green light, i figured it out and got going. i figure, i've seen people doing that many a time before, so i'm not going to crawl into a hole for the rest of my life.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The ward friends

is there an actual "ward friend" calling? i need answers asap.

sunday we had a constant flow of young(and old) men knocking at our door claiming to be the "ward friends." apparently, the bishop takes you into his office and asks you if you will officially be a friend to everyone in the ward. believe you me, singles ward don't need any more of THOSE.

(THOSE= the blond girls with radded hair and sparkling HUGE teeth exclaiming with utter happiness "HI!!! how are YOU!!!" the first time one of the girls approached me and said these words with such excitement, i flew back a couple of feet. i was taken so off guard.)

anyway, i pray none of them ever read this, but the first of these ward friends was what seemed to be joseph smith reincarnated. he held his book of mormon in his left hand as he shook mine with his right, and went on to tell me that if i EVER need ANYTHING, he will be there in a MILLISECOND.

the next was a...well actually i wasn't sure if this one was a circus act or another one of the friends. he looked no older than twelve, and i wondered whether or not the church was going against any child labor laws by sending this kid out to help us feel more welcome.

that last was pretty cool i guess. i opened the door and a cartoon of a man started talking to me and cracking some hilarious jokes. i was relieved to find an...almost..normal man standing there. i asked what he did for a living and he whipped a golden badge out of his pocket. an officer? well hello...(i grab his bicep)...he went on to tell me more about himself, when suddenly it slipped that he was oh just, TWENTY SIX. i told him i was eighteen, and discovered that this was clearly not a problem seeing as he asked for my number just seconds later. yikes....i wanted to tell him i didn't exactly think that was LEGAL, but he would probably know best.

i'm yet to know why we need more friends in an overwhelmingly friendly ward. however, i did find it some great entertainment for a boring sunday night.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Grandamn

Today is a most important day. After riding the bus every day to school and back, and then to work and back, i found i was in dire need of a car. the nine thirty p.m. waits at the bus stop were cutting it too close to rape, so i called my dad, and whined just long enough to get one.

He called yesterday and told me he had found an old grand am for me, and had gone ahead and bought it. i was stoked to begin with, but was overwhelmed with joy when i found myself being yelled at by the bus driver. i had once again passed THE WHITE LINE with out showing him my pass. he's this crazy bugger of a man really. i had never met a bus driver with actual verbal road rage. he yells at everyone doing anything wrong. a lady waved for him to go at the stop sign, and he got pissed. what as that lady thinking waving him on? it was an outrage.

it just reminded me of how grateful i am to have a car. i've decided now if it brakes down or i lock the keys in the car i can say things like "gran-dammit!" or just plain ol' "grandamn!" it'll be great. until further ado my fellow bloggers.

Attack of the Children

This past Sunday was my friend, sort of friend of a friend's, farewell. I went with my "pal", "buddy", "old boyfriend" Tucker. i never know which word to use. Anyway, as we entered the chapel i was overwhelmed with children. We crunched across the sea of cheerios to some empty seats, and take a seat behind this funny lookin' little girl. i whispered to tucker about how truly funny lookin she was, and he whispered back that he needed a tissue.

Not soon after the mom turned around and handed him a large stack of tissues.

I dont know if you see what this means. i'm assuming that if she heard the tissue comment, she surely heard this whisper about her funny looking kid. it was terrible.

I didn't hear a word of Adam's talk, because i was too sidetracked with the girl behind me pulling my hair, the baby in front of me drooling, and the one underneath me tickling my foot. i hate kids with a passion, this was hell in the form of an lds chapel. it was an utter oxymoron, but believe me, after wiping the spit up off the front of my shirt and pulling gum out of my hair, i believe my assumptions are true. baby filled chapel= the pits of hell.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Model Voice

A couple of years ago after a kid in my home ward, Jeff Rowberry, spoke at his farewell, our family discovered the "prayer voice." it's that voice some of the members of the church get when baring their testimonies or saying prayers. it's more of a spiritual whisper.

we've got many voices like this, such as vera voice, a.k.a. lesbian voice. my sister kristin gets it when she talks on the phone. it's a deep, serious tone. everytime i call i feel like she's about to tell me terrible news, usually it's just to call and tell me the jr.bacon prices went up or something.

anyway, as of this morning my roommates and i are addicted to the show "america's next top model." the new voice: model voice. nearing the end of the show, THE tyra banks tells the girls which ones get to stay. she gives a speech that goes something like, "you may look good in your shots, but you need to prove to the judges that you believe in yourself. it's in your heart. it's all in here." same thing everytime. but she has a voice that resembles the "prayer voice." i love how these girls can pose for an hour with slutty clothes and rip each other's hair out over who's interrupting who, but in the end ladies, remember it's all in your heart. wow, modeling really is spiritual.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The Cold Spell

I used to love winter. This year i'm freaking out because i really want to skip the season. it was great when i had the money, or jonathan had the money, or kristin had the money, and i would go snowboarding, but now that i dont go so much, winter is just a LONG few months of suffering. Packing on the layers and still freezing. looking back at some winter memories i've found that most of the times i've been utterly humiliated were in the winter time. i took a few minutes to ponder why i'm so bitter towards it, here's what i came up with:

1. i used to get rides to school from a girl who ended up being lesbian. she always put her backpack on the passenger seat so i'd have to sit in the back alone. We never talked, it was the most awkward five minutes. one day i was leaving my house and the sidewalk was covered in ice, and i slipped and biffed it to the ground. i was flat on my back staring up at the sky, and got up totally laughing. i opened the car door and said giggling, "did you see me fall?" and she said back to me with pure annoy-al, "yeah. get in." no laugh, just a look of oh-my-gosh-you-piss-me-off.

2. while i was in middle school i had a best friend named jenny samuelson. we were inseparable, and one day on our way out of the school doors, i felt a little sick. the moment jenny pushed open the door, i puked everywhere. completely projectile. i continued to vomit for about a minute, along the sidewalk. it had just snowed a couple of feet, and looking behind me when i had
"finished", i had covered about a one hundred foot radius. the worst part was when i looked over to jenny frowning, she said to me, "you have some on your shirt." gross.

3. not so much an emabarassing moment anymore, but believe me, when this occured i had the entire elementary school laughing at me for it. i was in the choir, which is an act itself that brings pure humiliation, and it was our christmas concert. i was on the edge of the stage, which was jam packed to ten times it's capacity. my friend forrest stepped to her right, so, so did i. right of the stage. i collapsed on the floor only to here what seemed like laughs from every corner of the earth.

so that's my winter humiliation. i would love to just avoid the season, but as of now, all my plans to do so have been foiled.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Crazy Old Maurice

Okay, not so much crazy old maurice, as CRAZY OLD LADY. dude, so there are six of us that work at Kara's, the oldest being 21. it's a riot(mom word) working with six people my age. it's basically a party there. a big ol' candy eatin' party.

a couple of the workers quit, so we've been hiring some new people. there were a lot of eighteen-nineteen year old kids that came in for interviews, and they all looked really cool. i was like yes! more fun people!!

so i walk in yesterday come to find an old lady standing behind the counter. i'd guess she's probably about one hundred and thirty years old. she has four hairs a top her head, and these BULGING eyes. seriously, i kept on wanting to tell her to keep them closed to prevent them from plopping on the floor. so it was old lady "Karen" and i for FOUR HOURS together. and may i just say, that she is the most horrifying lady i've ever seen.

i turned away to grab something and when i turned back she was TWO inches away from my face. her eyes were about a millimeter away. and she followed me around ALL the live long day. minute after minute she told me about her husbands death five years ago. "he was standin' on that ladder working at walmart, an' i told 'im. i told 'im to get down from there. but he didn't listen. no he didn't listen." blah, blah, blah. it is quite sad cause he ended up falling and cracking his head open. walmart said it was a heart attack. no workers comp. or anything. laddee dah.

i know i sound so cruel, but i am. after four hours with this crazy ass lady, i am.